Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television

I love words.

I thank you for hearing my words.

I want to tell you something about words that

I think is important.

They're my work, they're my play, they're my passion.

Words are all we have, really.

We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid.then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word forthat thought, so be careful with words.

I like to think that the samewords that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words.

There are some that would have you not use certain words.

There are 400,000 words in the

English language and there are 7of them you can't say on television.

What a ratio that is.399,993 to 7.

They must really be bad.

They'd have to be outrageousto be seperated from a group that large.

All of you over here,you 7,

Bad Words.

That's what they told us they were, remember?"That's a bad word!"

No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions,and words.

You know the 7, don't you, that you can't say on television?"****, Piss, ****, Cunt, CockSucker, ************, and Tits"

Those are the heavy seven.

Those are the ones that'll infect your soul,curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war."****, Piss, ****, Cunt, CockSucker, ************, and Tits"

Wow! ...and

Tits doesn't even belong on the list.

That is such a friendlysounding word.

It sounds like a nickname, right? "Hey, Tits, come here,man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots."

It sounds like asnack, doesn't it?

Yes, I know, it is a snack.

I don't mean your ***istsnack.

I mean New

Nabisco Tits!, and new

Cheese Tits,

Corn Tits,

Pizza Tits,

Sesame Tits,

Onion Tits,

Tater Tits. "Betcha Can't Eat JustOne."

That's true.

I usually switch off.

But I mean, that word doesnot belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list,but you can understand why some of them are there.

I'm notcompletely insensetive to people's feelings.

I can understand whysome of those words got on the list, like

CockSucker and

************.

Those are heavyweight words.

There is a lot going onthere.

Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling.

I mean, they're just busy words.

There's a lot of syllables to contendwith.

And those

Ks, those are agressive sounds.

They just jump out atyou like "coCKsuCKer, ************. coCKsuCKer, ************."

It's like an assualt on you.

We mentioned

**** earlier, and 2 of theother 4-letter

Anglo-Saxon words are

Piss and Cunt, which gotogether of course.

A little accedental humor there.

The reason that

Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there werecertain ladies that said "Those are the 2 I am not going to say. Idon't mind **** and **** but 'P' and 'C' are out.", which led to suchstupid sentences as "Okay you *******, I'm going to tinckle now."

And, of course, the word

****. I don't really, well that's moreaccedental humor,

I don't wanna get into that now because

I thinkit takes to long.

But I do mean that.

I think the word

**** is a veryimprortant word.

It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use tohurt one another quite often.

People much wiser than

I am said,"I'd rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making lovethan 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It isa great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that butI like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word **** forthe word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. "

Okay,Sherrif, we're gonna

**** you now, but we're gonna

**** you slow."So maybe next year I'll have a whole ******' ramp on the N word.I hope so. Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under anycircumstanses. You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not evenclinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc, and Ed,and Johnny. I mean, it is just impossible. Forget tHose 7. They're out.But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words.Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? "...

And the cock

CROWED 3 times" "

Hey, tha cock

CROWED 3 times. ha ha ha ha.

Hey, it's inthe bible. ha ha ha ha.

There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for

Kirk Youdi to say "Roberto Clametti has 2 balls on him.", but he can'tsay "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don't you? He's holdingthem. He must've hurt them, by God." and the other 2-way word thatgoes with that one is

Prik. It's okay if it happens to your finger.

Youcan prik your finger but don't finger your prik.

No,no.